Ok, lets just get the obvious information out of the way. You are involved with an unavailable man, and you are totally aware of these facts. Tip-toeing around the truth is not going to help anyone right? And for whatever reasons, you've decided he is worth the uncomfortable situation that this has caused. So lets talk about something else, what does this mean for you? Are you a horrible person? Are you setting yourself up? Are you just infatuated and in a phase? This article is going to be all about that 'other' woman.
1. Accept that the situation is most likely temporary : Men are special creatures, and tend not to like a lot of change once they have gotten used to a situation. They may be enticed and attracted to you, but actually not thinking much past that. Women, being home-making creatures, tend to start building a home in their heads and hearts as soon as they feel that spark. While it may seem harsh or cruel to make this point, remember, the more common outcome for these types of relationships is not the happy life you may envision while daydreaming about him.
2. Cheating with does not make a relationship happen: While it is surely unfair to assume that people can't change, unfortunately we are all instantly judgmental at the core. If you cheated with him, you’ll probably cheat on him, or at least thats what he would be thinking the whole time. Even if he never says anything, its definitely possible thats what he is worried about. The stability of the relationship would be in jeopardy right from the beginning, not to mention what feelings you may end up having about it. Trust is going to be vital in any potential relationship, and right from the start you have established that neither of you can be trusted.
3. Stop comparing yourself to the wife/girlfriend: As much as you want to “be better than her”, you aren’t. If a man choses to cheat with you, but still wants to maintain what he has at home, he has his own valid reasons for that. Men are much like little boys, in that they like to be mothered and goofy with their woman. The casanova you spend time with is just one side. She will always be his #1 because of the other side, the home she provides. Remember, comparing yourself to her, and what she does is not the answer to making him yours.
4. Do NOT consume yourself with him: This is a major mistake for many women, whether they are the wife/girlfriend or the mistress. If you continue the affair long term, you need to focus on not attaching yourself to the point of consumption. Remember, he is UNAVAILABLE! While it is in our human nature to want things we can’t have, we have to fight that urge as much as possible. Women tend to have the issue with attachment more than men, and there for suffer more mental stress than men will when participating in an affair.
5. Have a way out: You’ve already put yourself in a tough situation, being this man’s ‘other’, but don’t put yourself in a place where your life is permanently affected. Some examples are buying a car with/for him, changing where/how you live, or introducing him to anyone in your life. These things are reserved for the actual boyfriend that may come along once you end this affair.
6. Do not beat yourself up: Mistakes are made every day. I don’t honestly believe any woman wakes up that morning thinking that they are shooting for being the ‘other’ woman in someone’s affair. While you do need to address the circumstances and what has happened, beating yourself up about it doesn’t make anything better or improve your circumstances. Take this as a learning experience and move on from the guilt you may be feeling.
Anyway you slice it ladies, the odds of getting a guy this way is not likely to happen the way you would hope so. Of course, this isn’t saying it can’t happen, but in my experience, men tend to get very comfortable in their relationships, whether they are the best or not. Most men are looking for a ‘mother’ to take care of them, and if their current relationship fills that need, you are less likely to turn him away from it for a relationship with you. Remember your worth, and look for a man that is free to be all yours.
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