What is NOT OK to say?
In any relationship, there is one promise, there will be arguments. Oh sure, you can say now that you are in complete love with him or her right now and you would never have a fight too serious. I am here to tell you, that is a common self told lie. Any relationship worth having is going to have fights. As you continue to grow with each other, those little things that were once so cute are now irritating and you wonder why you ever thought it was cute. As much as I am a fan of being honest in relationships, there are some things that just aren’t OK to say, especially without the element of tact. Take note people, and lets set some limits for ourselves shall we? Here are 5 things you NEVER say if you plan to stay with the person afterwards:
1. "I don’t know why I’m even with you” - Lets go ahead and get this one out of your vocabulary now. Never say phrases that suggest you don’t want to be in the relationship, even if that is what you feel in the moment. While this might give you the illusion that you are winning the argument, you are causing almost irreparable damage. Once someone has stated that they may not be fully invested in the relationship, it will cause holes in the trust of the other person. Be careful!
2. “I guess you won’t be getting any tonight” - This one may be mostly for the ladies. When you are in the middle of an argument is not the time to use sex as a manipulation tool. This is considered a low blow and will be frowned upon even when the argument is over. Keep on topic and get you point across without resorting to tricks. Doing this will only frustrate the other person and cause them to keep spite.
3. "You are such a ____________" - This is a big one here. Calling someone out of someone out of there name is one of the biggest ways to put a wall between you and your mate, potentially a semi-permanent damage causing event. Name calling is juvenile, and really does not make any points other than to show true pettiness.
4. "This is just like last time when you did this...." - I personally can relate to this one here, because it sucks to have to answer all over again for something from the so-called past. If you are arguing about one thing, you really can't justify bringing up old fights that should have been totally dealt with beforehand. Not to say that you shouldn't work out any chronic fight causing issues, but if continue to bring up old fights, old things, the relationship can't really drive forward can it it? Look at the current disagreement and maturely deal with things.
5. " My Mom/Dad/Friend told me you were no good" - This is one of the lowest of blows so don't say I didn't warn you. Our argument should be between US, and nobody else. Really your first mistake was telling this person about your relationship arguments and the second was putting that on your partner. What happens at the next family reunion when you have forgiven your partner, but now the family is not a receptive to them? Be very careful with this folks, because bad family relations can make for a break up really quick.
Arguing is healthy (of course extremes not included here) , and necessary for a couple to build internal strength together. But as hard as the concept seems, and will seem at the time, I beg you to find ways to argue with love (YEAH RIGHT!) and remember that you have to live with every word you say when the war is over. In the generation of argumentative social media and texting, I know this will be hard for a lot of you, especially the ones that suffer from severe diarrhea of the mouth. Remember, that is a mess you don't want to have to clean up!
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